


Hope

by yannayanyan



Series: Tugging At Heartstrings [7]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-29
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-06 20:33:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12218439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yannayanyan/pseuds/yannayanyan
Summary: What is between life and death?





	1. Hope

**Author's Note:**

> Supposed to be a one-shot but I divided it into two chapters. Don't expect much though

I am alone in my hospital room --- waiting for something to happen, waiting for someone to come, or just waiting to die. The stars are shining brightly from outside the window and the sight of them always calms my heart. Stars, for me, are the things in this world that are still beautiful --- unchanging and bright at the darkest of hours.

In the silence of my room, I could hear my heart beat slowly. I know that the time is near when this heart will someday stop beating. It's like a time bomb, slowly ticking down to the time when it will explode.

As I was drowned with the thoughts of my weak heart, a knock suddenly sounded from my door.

I turned to the door and wondered who is knocking this late at night. Nurses do not come to my room this late, neither do my parents.

The knock suddenly became louder and insistent. I was silent, waiting for the person outside the door to walk away.

But the person must be stubborn since the knock suddenly became continuous and unstoppable.

I sighed and said, "Come in."

The door opened and a man with silver hair entered. He smiled at me and gently closed the door. "Hi there!"

The stranger has the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. "Um, who are you?"

He grinned and sat on the edge of my bed. I grew uncomfortable at the sudden invasion of space. "Will you come with me if I answer your question?"

"...no?"

"Why?"

"I don't know you," I hesitantly answered.

He pouted. "You haaave to come with me!" He reached for a pillow near my feet and hugged it. "It's so boring here. I need to go outside and walk around and buy some food and escape this boring place."

I am starting to think that he was admitted to the wrong hospital. He must be mental. From the hospital gown he is wearing, he must be another patient like me and if he is a patient, he must know that patients cannot leave after 9 o'clock.

"Aren't you a patient like me? We are ---"

He suddenly covered his ears and made noises to tune out my voice.

I stopped talking and stared at him. He removed his fingers from his ears and grinned at me.

"I know we are not allowed to go outside the hospital but I can't stay cooped inside here anymore," he smiled. "Aren't you tired of staying inside?"

I must admit that I've been here for a two months already and I am bored by myself. Might as well indulge this stranger with what he wants.

Plus, I'm dying anyway. Breaking some rules won't hurt me.

"I am tired of staying inside," I answered.

"So, will you come with me outside if I answer your question?"

I nodded. "Who are you?"

He stretched his hand. "My name is Viktor."

I stared his hand for a long time before I shook his hand which I found out is cold. "I'm Yuuri."

* * *

 

We were sitting on a riverbank. Despite wearing jackets, I felt very cold. I know summer is nearing but still it is a Spring night so the air is somewhat chilly.

"I know someone whose name is also Yuri," Viktor said. "He is always grumpy but he is actually a cinnamon roll inside."

"A cinnamon roll?"

"Yeah." Viktor took a deep breath. "It is nice to finally be outside!"

I watched him lie down the grass and look at the stars. He tapped the space beside him as an indication for me to do the same.

I warily lied down the grass next to him --- not too close but not too far either. The stars shining down on us are simply breath-taking.

"Why are you in the hospital, Yuuri?"

"...I'm dying."

"You're dying?"

"I have a weak heart. Anytime soon, it will stop beating and kill me."

"Are you going to have a heart transplant?"

"I'll have one the day after tomorrow."

"That's good! If you're having a transplant, you shouldn't say that you are dying."

"The chances of me surviving the operation is very little," I shared.

He suddenly sat up and looked at me. "So what?"

" _So what_ what?"

"Percentage is just a number!" He frowned with a pout. "Don't be a pessimist, Yuuri."

"I am being a pessimist?" I asked in disbelief. "Well, there is only a 10% chance of me surviving so who wouldn't become a pessimist when you know you are going to die?"

"At least have 100% faith!" he insisted. "10 plus 100 is equals to 110. If you do not have faith, it will always remain at 10%."

"Do not teach me Math."

"I am not. I am just saying that you need to believe that you will live. You will survive the operation with the heart that will be given to you."

"You don't know what I am feeling," I said quietly.

" _Of course_ I know what you are feeling."

I looked at him. He is smiling at me with empathy.

He laid down the grass again. "There is no cure for my disease except for a transplant."

Viktor is speaking in a quiet tone but it is unlike my voice in which you can clearly hear that I've lost hope. In his voice, I could hear that he hasn't given up to his disease yet.

"I have scar tissues growing in my lungs that makes it hard to breathe," he continued. "Just like you, I am going to have a lung transplant the day after tomorrow."

I turned my head to the side to look at him. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He had a smile on his lips "That's why every breath I take is precious, Yuuri."

When he turned his head to me, our eyes immediately connected.

"Do not think that your heart will soon stop beating but think that your heart will still beat tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and for all the days that come after that."

He suddenly stood up and offered his hand to me.

I stared at his hand and then his face. While I stared at him, bright lights of gold suddenly fluttered around us in all its magnifence. The view is beautifully natural and it made Viktor ethereal.

Viktor looked around and smiled. "Look at all these fireflies, Yuuri!"

The childish gleam and wonder on Viktor's eyes is so pure that it made me admire him for never giving in to the darkness of having an incurable disease.

I stood up beside him and looked around as well. After all, it is rare for me to see a sight so beautiful such as fireflies.

"Yuuri."

I turned to Viktor.

"Do you know what is between life and death?" He smiled. "It is hope."

The strength in his eyes captivated my heart and I could feel it beating faster.

This feeling --- I am alive and my heart is beating fast. All because of the strong person in front me.

"There is hope between them, Yuuri."


	2. Screaming Colors

There came a knock on my door. The knocking is repeatedly done and I remembered a certain someone yesterday who has the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen.

"Come in."

"Hello," Viktor greeted, stretching out the last syllable of the word. He immediately went to the chair where I have my jacket hanging on the back of the chair. "Let's go!"

"Where?" I asked, not arguing on his weird idea to go outside.

"To Neverland." He grinned. "We'll go there and never grow old."

His smile is contagious that I found myself smiling at him.

He went to the door and opened it a little. He took a peek outside to look for nurses or doctors in view.

He turned to me. "The coast is clear."

He took my hand by surprise and dragged me outside my room. My heart suddenly beats fast at Viktor's touch.

He suddenly stopped and I bumped on his back.

"An incoming nurse!" he whispered.

I unconciously tightened my hold on his hand at the thrill of what we are doing. If we are caught, we will surely be in trouble. Especially for the reason that we will both have transplants tomorrow.

"Let's run."

He turned to me in surprise. "What?"

"Let's run," I repeated.

I grinned at him and he gave me an excited smile in return.

"At the count of three, let's run to the rooftop," he said.

I nodded.

"One..."

Our hands tightened their hold around each other, as if we are each other's lifeline.

"Two..."

The gleam in our eyes mirrored each other. The brightness of Viktor's eyes never ceases to amaze me.

"Three!"

We both ran towards the rooftop hand-in-hand, never letting go. We often stop for a moment to look out for doctors and nurses before dashing towards the rooftop.

It was thrilling, exciting, and fleeting.

We were catching our breaths when we arrived at the rooftop. I have a long stamina despite my heart disease so I calmed myself down way ahead of Viktor.

I was worried when Viktor leaned against me while he continued catching his breath.

"Viktor?" I held him to support him in standing. "Are you okay?"

I suddenly felt guilty in suggesting to run. Seeing him have difficulty in breathing made me want to rewind the time.

He suddenly looked up and his eyes never held regrets in them. "It was the best."

I smiled and soothingly rubbed his back to help him calm down.

He held my hand and smiled. He led me to the edge of the rooftop. He let go of my hand then climbed to the edge of the rooftop.

"What are you doing?" I asked cautiously.

He stood above me on the edge of the rooftop. His hospital gown fluttered from the night breeze.

He offered his hand. When I did not take his hand, he smiled.

"For all your pessimistic talk yesterday, one would think that you have accepted the fact that you are dying."

Viktor firmly stood on his ground, no trace of fear on his eyes despite standing on the edge of the rooftop where he may fall anytime.

"It seems that your heart still did not accepted the fact that you are dying." He stretched his arms wide. "We _are_ dying, Yuuri."

"We are dying but we are alive at this moment." He turned around to face the view of the city. "We do not know what tomorrow will bring and nothing is scarier than that." He then looked at me from his shoulder. "Are you still scared of standing on the edge of the rooftop?"

He offered his hand to me again.

I looked at his hand and gulped.

I may be dying but I am scared of it happening so soon. I am scared of falling from the rooftop and from the other scenarios forming inside my head.

"You have me." Viktor smiled. "You are not alone."

I nodded at him and took his hand. He helped me up to the edge and when I saw how high we are, my knees wobbled and I held on Viktor for support.

"Do not look down," Viktor said. He held my chin on his hand and made me look ahead of me. "Look in front of you."

The night view of the city is in front me. The different city lights looked beautiful from here. This is my first time seeing the city at night from an aerial view.

"It is beautiful," I said.

"It's like stars on earth," he commented. "Although the stars on the sky are irreplacable, this view is also breath-taking."

I burned this view on my mind so I will never forget.

I suddenly heard a click beside me. I turned and saw that Viktor is holding a camera.

"Delete that!"

"No!" He hugged his camera. "Candid pictures are the best, you know."

We both sat on the edge of the rooftop. We were engulfed in comfortable silence and only the camera shutter filled the silence.

"If your operation is a success, what's your plan?" he suddenly asked.

Now that I've been asked the question, I have no idea what I'll do if my operation is a success. "I don't know."

"Ask me."

I looked at him who is smiling as he held his camera. "If your operation is a success, what's your plan?"

"If my operation is a success, I would like to get to know Yuuri a lot more," he answered, honesty shining brightly in his eyes.

I blushed at what he said. _How could he say something like that without warning?_

He suddenly took a picture of me. "A blushing Yuuri is so cute!"

"I-I'm not cute!"

"You are." He showed my the picture of me blushing. "Aww, look at you!"

I tried to snatch the camera but he held it away from me. "No, you can't snatch this camera from me."

I turned to the star-like view of the city lights. "If I survive the operation, I would also like to know you better, Viktor." I looked to him and gave him a small smile. "I don't believe much on the operation but like you said, faith beats the percentage of survival."

"When your operation is done, can you tell me how it feels to have another heart inside you? Does is it feel the same? Can you feel the feelings of the original owner of the heart? Does having another person's heart inside you makes you feel the presence of the original owner? If yes, I want you to tell me what it feels like to have two people inside one body."

I nodded at him. "I will tell you all of that if you promise to survive your own operation."

He held out his pinky finger. "Promise me that your new heart will continue beating inside of you."

I wrapped my own pinky finger around his own. "Promise me that you will remember to breath with your new lungs."

He chuckled. "Keep breathing for me. Keep beating for you."

I laughed at the simplicity of our wishes for each other and promises to ourselves.

We just hope to have another heartbeat and another breath. So simple but that is all we ask for.

"I promise," we vowed in unison.

He held out his camera and turned the lens to us. "Say cheese!"

We both smiled at the camera, never knowing what tomorrow will bring or if tonight is our last night of seeing each other.

Despite the uncertainty of the future, we looked like we are shining as the darkness prevails above and star-like city lights shone below us.

"We are screaming in colors," he whispered.

I do not know what he meant by that but as I looked at Viktor, I found a new reason for me to live --- to see tomorrow and to be alive.

It's amazing how a person could be so vital in one's life despite knowing them in just a little amount of time. In just two nights, Viktor became my wish. He became what I want. He became the reason for me to survive.

* * *

 

In what felt like eternity, I opened my eyes and saw a white ceiling. I blinked several times and I could hear blurred voices around me.

I could recognize the faces of my family and I can see Minako-sensei calling for someone hysterically.

My mom and dad helped me in sitting up as I leaned back at the headboard of the bed. I wanted to call out their names but I found out that my throat is too dry.

"Here," my dad handed me water.

I drank at least three cups of water before they finally hugged me tightly.

"You're awake," my mom whispered as she hugged me. She wiped her tears as she watched me happily.

The doctor arrived in my room and did a thorough check-up on my stats.

_I'm alive._

I looked at the door and remembered a certain blue-eyed someone who not only knocked on my door two nights in a row but he also knocked in my heart.

"Viktor," I hoarsely said.

"I'm sorry?" the doctor asked as he did final check-up on me.

"Do you happen to know a patient named Viktor?" I asked, still looking at the door. "He had a lung transplant the same day I had my heart transplant."

The doctor stilled for a moment. "How did you know him, Yuuri?"

"We met two nights before our operation," I answered, looking at the doctor.

The doctor stayed silent, opting to talk with my parents the results he found from his check-up.

"What happened to him?" I insisted in asking.

The doctor averted his eyes.

"Answer me, doc."

"Viktor did not survived his operation."

It was as if the world stopped and I could not hear anything else except for the beating of my new heart.

_"Hi there!"_

_"My name is Viktor."_

_"Percentage is just a number!"_

_"At least have 100% faith! 10 plus 100 is equals to 110. If you do not have faith, it will always remain at 10%."_

_"Do you know what is between life and death? It is hope."_

_"To Neverland. We'll go there and never grow old."_

_"It was the best."_

_"We are dying but we are alive at this moment."_

_"You have me. You are not alone."_

_"Do not look down. Look in front of you."_

_"Promise me that your new heart will continue beating inside of you."_

_"Keep breathing for me. Keep beating for you."_

_"I promise."_

Tears flowed down my eyes without a stop as my memories of Viktor started playing in my mind like a camera film.

_Why?_

Viktor promised me he will survive and keep breathing.

"I know Viktor's doctor. I heard he left something for you," the doctor said. "Viktor's room was in 501. Please visit it if you have the strength to walk from here to his room."

I found the strength to stand up despite how weak my knees are. I held the wall for support and I did not listened to the concern of my family as I gave them a sad smile.

"I will visit the room of my friend who gave me hope."

Despite how slowly I walked towards Viktor's former room, I am determined to get there on my own.

No matter how long it took for me to get to room 501, I still persevered to be at Viktor's room. And now that I am standing outside his room, I know that the room will be empty but the sight of the emptiness made my new heart heavy.

_"When your operation is done, can you tell me how it feels to have another heart inside you?"_

I walked towards the empty bed and cried as I imagined Viktor lying down and looking at the stars with hopeful eyes that believe in tomorrow.

_"Does is it feel the same?"_

It feels different yet the same. This is not my heart and yet my desire to know you better is still strong. And that's why the pain I feel in knowing you are gone is as strong as that desire.

_"Can you feel the feelings of the original owner of the heart?"_

I closed my eyes and sat on the edge of the hospital where Viktor stayed for a long time.

I feel like myself and yet I feel like I have another feelings from another person, too. I am not really sure but it feels surreal.

I chuckled bitterly while I still have my eyes closed. "You were never lacking in faith but why?"

Tears flowed down again on my cheeks. "Why, Viktor?"

I noticed the camera sitting on the bedside table and the camera is the one I remembered he was holding during our last night together.

_"Does having another person's heart inside you makes you feel the presence of the original owner? If yes, I want you to tell me what it feels like to have two people inside one body."_

I took the camera and opened it. I immediately went to the gallery and saw our photo. There are only photos of the night before our operation inside the camera.

It was his last night on earth. It was as if he knows he will not survive the operation. It was as if he was preparing to leave this world.

"You promised to keep breathing."

There is also a note on the bedside table. I took it and read the short message inside.

**_I took a picture of us then discovered the rest of the world was black and white but we were in screaming colors._ **

"We are in screaming colors."

_**Take care of your new heart, Yuuri. Dare to believe in tomorrow.** _

I held the note with trembling hands as tears fell down on the note.

He knew. Viktor knew he won't survive. He knew he won't have a tomorrow but he kept on believing for a future that won't come.

**_Live for me. Live for the both of us._ **


End file.
